New Year, New Me?

The+average+American+makes+a+list+of+resolutions+he+knows+he+will+not+keep.

Jack Band

The average American makes a list of resolutions he knows he will not keep.

Jack Band, highlights contributor

New Years. A time of improvement for some, a time for most when we say we are going to improve but never do. Every year we make promises with ourselves that we never seem to keep. We make it a week at most before we crack under pressure. Here are some resolutions we make every year and but never follow through with.

  1. “ I need to cut those carbs. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips.”
  2. “I think I’m going vegan. Those poor animals don’t deserve to be made into shish kabobs.”
  3. “No more binge-watching shows. ”  *Tear runs down cheek*
  4. “This is the end of my procrastination. I’ll stop procrastinating next week.”
  5. “Got to bring up the grades. But that last test didn’t count because everybody else in my class failed as well.”
  6. “I am going to expand my mind by reading a good book. I made it to page 2 at least.”
  7. “I want more friends. I don’t get why people don’t like my pet ferret, Stubby.”
  8. “I need a job. Eh. My hard-working parents should be able to support me for the rest of my life. Right?”
  9. “Enough with sleeping in. Fell asleep at 3 a.m. but who needs sleep?” *Tear runs down cheek… again*
  10. “I think this is the year I take down my Christmas decorations before Halloween. But why not be festive year round?”