The Gift that Keeps on Giving: A Guide to “Perfect” Valentine Gifts

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Angelina Morffi

Struggling with love this Valentine’s Day? Here’s our guide for the perfect gifts to give your crush this year!

Angelina Morffi, Staff Writer

Valentine’s Day is a difficult time for those not in love and those in love – the anxiety over choosing the perfect gift can be overpowering. Many struggle showing their loved ones how much they care about them through gifts. If roses and decorative boxes of chocolate are overused, then what is left? These were supposed to be the staple Valentine’s Day gift that amplified the love; now, they are a thing of the past. Luckily, we have some options to get you out of this Valentine’s stump. In order to survive, Cavsconnect has curated a new set of gifts to give to your future or current partner this Valentine’s Day.

5. Life Size Cutout of Yourself

What better way to get your crush to like you back than giving them your face to stand up in their room? With a life-size cutout of yourself, your crush or partner can see you at every waking second of the day – it is the ultimate test that will show if they either love you or get annoyed by you. Still, we’re confident that if they don’t like you already, then this’ll definitely get the job done. Surrounding them in cardboard is sure to have them head over heels for you. Just give it a try.

Please do not let anyone get me a Sharknado DVD for Valentine’s day,”

— sophomore Veronica Montalvo

4. A Pet Bee

I’m sure most of you have seen that trend on tiktok where people put leashes on bugs and walk them like normal people would dogs. Kidnap a bee (maybe two if you feel bold enough), you can easily find near one of the Coral Gables Senior High trash cans; simply stick it in the freezer and tie a little string around it, and once it thaws, hand it to your crush like a balloon. The meticulous process of such a gift will demonstrate just how much effort you put into the relationship as a whole. Give your crush that bee-walking experience, and just hope they don’t get stung.

3. New Underwear

Does your crush absolutely reek? Do they never wash their clothes? If you answered yes to any, maybe it’s time for a makeover, whether that is in the form of new clothes, perfume or just a pack of new underwear. It’s important to start off with the fundamentals: some freshly washed undies will do the trick. These small alterations can cause the creation of new hygienic habits that we both know they desperately require. All it takes is a single pair of underwear. Trust us.

“Why on earth would I want someone I don’t know to buy me new underwear,” sophomore Amalia Garrido said.

2. A Full Set of Sharknado DVDs

Nothing says “Valentine’s Day” like an exclusive limited edition full set of all six Sharknado movies. Sitting down for a Sharknado-a-thon and watching Fin Shepard stab flying sharks and save his family and friends will indubitably set the perfect mood for romance. Afterall, date night doesn’t get much better than a movie with horrible Computer Generated Imagery and a plot about sharks in the sky. Who knows, maybe knowing how to fend off air sharks will help you in an apocalypse as a powerful couple.

1.A stubborn and painful ring

What’s more romantic than recreating everyone’s favorite vampire couple who recently got engaged ? Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox, notorious for their cryptic love letters to one another and enjoying the taste of each other’s blood, face backlash after a controversial ring described as “painful to take off.” Honestly, what’s the fun in a pretty ring that doesn’t cause you to bleed? This ring would symbolize your true devotion to each other – the epitome of romance has to include a level of sadism right? As long as you don’t have to do the dishes or complete any task that requires taking off jewelry, I think you can successfully become a hot Hollywood couple like Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox.

With that, these are our top five gifts to give your crush this Valentine’s day. We can guarantee that despite our 99.99% failure rate, this’ll do the trick for YOU. If it doesn’t, then let’s face it, you’re already doomed to fail if you’re seriously considering taking some of these recommendations. Either you probably didn’t have a chance in the first place or are ready to change that Facebook status back to single. Better luck next year!

XOXO,
Your CavsConnect Cupids